Self-Love

I am sure some of you can relate to my obsession with Ted talks. I typically watch at least one a day. If you have no idea what I am talking about do yourself a favor and go to Ted.com, pick a topic, and expand your knowledge. This past week I watched one on self-compassion. This talk has resonated with me everyday since because it so pertinent in every aspect of our lives. Being such a perfectionist, I constantly discourage myself when something doesn’t go right. After hearing this talk, I am honestly trying to be more conscious of my thoughts.

The gist of the talk,by Kristin Neff, is that we should be encouraging ourselves the way we would our friends and family. We are so quick to beat ourselves up, without any regard to the damaging effects. We encourage and compliment our best friends, and then discourage and compare ourselves to others. We need to stop comparing our weaknesses to our peer’s strengths.

Self-esteem is fleeting and contingent only upon success. Confidence and self-compassion is founded on being kind, caring, and concerned. In order to change ourselves, we need to incorporate three elements. The first element is choosing self-kindness over harsh self-judgement. The second, realize the common humanity in life, that we are all human and imperfect. Imperfection is the shared human experience. The final element is mindfulness. We need to validate and accept our current state in life.

We don’t need to motivate ourselves by being self-critical, it actually does the opposite. When we are constantly self-critical, we release the stress hormone cortisol. On the contrary, the results of self-compassion can be life-changing with less depression, less anxiety, less stress, greater motivation, healthier lifestyle choices, life satisfaction, and better inter-personal relationships. We could all use strong mental health and well being. So stop beating yourself up and be a friend to yourself.